people. a lil' warning.
tattoos are addictive.

wells, here i am all alone at hall. the past few days had been about ups and downs. i would say both on the extreme sides. still. my mood hasn't change. it has always been down. [wait, i'll try to make this entry sound less depressing all right? ] went out yesterday to grandlink to take my tattoo. my name -yvonne in japanese. i'm happy. evan got a tribal on her arm. the tattoo is still kinda swollen but the both of us really did try to put on a front and fake thru everything as though it didn't hurt at all. ha. what actors. kellyn was there with us all the way. she went to town and met us at payar lebar's long john. while i was there. i gave hem a call. made me...for a moment. the happiest person in my life. everthing about her. just..remained beautiful as it was before. on the short walk to grandlink. i must say i was jumpy. happy. yet.. the fear was there too.

pouts. ian is a strong boy. right? haha. laughh** so we waited for this lady to put finish her tattoo. she did this tribal on her leg.[not that bad looking, but i prefered evan's one.] and a J on her that [ that one suited her perfectly] yet, it was her first time putting tattoos. and her face showed no emotions at all. she didn't cry, she didn't squirm. all she did was fag. and then talked on the phone. 3 cheers for that lady. haha. then it was about to be my turn. i was seriously on the verge of backing out. so i said something nasty. haha. [sorry brother] i told evan.
"brother, you love me?"
he replied:"yups"
i asked,"then you go 1st okay?"
with a smile, he answered:"all rights"

i love evan. more than anything in the world.
he's really the sweetest.

so evan went thru it smoothly. couldn't really see his facial expressions cause he was facing the other side. then again. He actually could read his dumb book and fag at the same time. my salute brother. haha. within a short 30 mins or so. he's tattoo was done. swollen and red. blood droplets were oozing out. *laughhs. that moment. i felt as though dooms day was nearing. then it came my turn. i had no pee. but i really did felt as though i would just pee in my pants when the needle starts tearing my skin up. so.. the process went like this.
... he printed the jap wordings. outlined it. applied some lubricant so that the ink would stay.
... then the horrible sound came. he started doing his instrument thingi. the needle and all.
... once everything got settled. the only thing i could remember was kellyn stood next to me. to see the sweet agony i had to go thru. i had to be manly. ha. and i cannot cry.
... when the needle started its work. i started telling myself. it wasn't that bad after all. smiles. until it came to the 4th wording. this was all i had to say... "!!@#$%^&*!" haha. yupps. i'm sure you guys out there understand what that means. the shading was a piece of cake. except for [you guessed it.] the 4th wording again. i find myself unable to even hold my fags. pouts**

when it was all over. a huge. HUGE sigh of relief. smiles. i was happy. finally. ian had her tattoo.

head back to boon lay from katong area on bus 30. this stupid potato[kellyn] of mine said that the bus should be travelling quite fast la. yups. it was so fast. i think it was going only at 60km/hr or something. fast huh? haha. sat next to potato. she fell asleep for a moment. took a quick glance. and found myself smiling. i dunno. she looks so adorable. haha. round and potato-ish. haha. think she caught me there. so she woke up. started our usual nonsense again. had loads of fun. really. somehow, some wierd kind of pain struck me while kellyn was the phone. my heart just cringed up. "!@#$%^*" yes. yet again. tears stream down my cheeks. thank goodness no one saw. no even my brother. i felt like a helpless baby. unable to be in control of my emotions. why? felt as though i was going bonkers and worst of all there just wasn't a single person to turn to. i needed no pity. i needed no sympathy. i needed... a shoulder to cry on. i needed yours. you were so near me. yet i felt as though you were miles away. i hated ... myself.

went back hall. showed potato the drawings that i drew. hoped she liked it. loved to see that wonderful smile on her glowing face. [ not forgetting all those pimples. haha... joking la] wells, changed to our boxers and cooked noodles. took a ... painful shower. and went off to bed. for a moment. i couldn't sleep. cause my head. only had thought of you.. flooding. again. you were so close. yet, i still couldn't reach out. i dreamt of you. you beautiful eyes,though small, your dumb laughter, you stupid ugly hands.. yet.. it was a perfect dream. i have been having those horrible nightmares for far too long. and when you came in. it was.... amazing. thank you.

|i don't wanna lose this feeling. i don't wanna spend a moment apart. you bring out the best in me like no one else could. thats why i'm by your side.

-ian